People often talk about using positive mental attitude (PMA) as if
it is some great mystery or a weird cult thing undertaken by ‘happy-clappy’
people.
When you stop and think about it, there really is no secret. It is
mostly common sense and logic. Sadly many people are somewhat devoid
of common sense and logic. So how does PMA work? Luckily it is not rocket
science so we can all have a go. Even the most negative amongst us can
change, but only if we are willing to accept that there may be another
way to live.
“…I
only had one place to go: back up.”
|
A few years ago I was not particularly well (vastly underweight and
not walking too well), had been mugged and had no career left. The good
thing was having time to stop and think. So I stopped and thought hard.
I realised I was at rock bottom and that was actually rather good. Why
was that good? Because I only had one place to go: back up.
I adopted an improved attitude and started working on being positive
and looking for positivity around me. Rather than take you through the
five years it has taken to get me to a stage I am really happy with,
let’s look at the major areas you can work at. Some of you may
read this and confirm you are already being positive; others may get
a rude awakening. I make no apologies for being blunt, but pussy-footing
around does not get results. Hold on to your hats, here comes the truth
about how the right attitude can help you…
Greetings and the Pity Party
When somebody asks how you are do you give them a complete organ recital?
You know what I mean: my head hurts, I’m coughing lots, my joints
hurt, I’m tired, my guts ache…
It hardly makes people feel good hearing your whines does it? Get a
grip! If someone asks how you are tell them you’re fine and move
the subject on. I do this even if I feel like crap. It makes people
smile and they don’t even dare to groan about their meagre little
problems. I have CF and live with it without moaning every five minutes.
It sets an example to the ‘normal’ people around me. My
standard response is “I’m splendid thank you, how are you?”
Everyone has the ability to light up a room. Some people do it when
they walk in, others when they leave. Which are you?
Another tip is to smile. It makes you look better and is a lot cheaper
than cosmetic surgery. Even when I’m crawling into clinic for
IVs I still smile and ensure a warm welcome from our receptionist.
If all you do is grumble about how hard life is with CF then you will
not be fun to be around. It is called having a Pity Party (PP). The
thing about PPs is that nobody wants to attend. Unless they too are
really negative and get off on being miserable – but I’ll
come back to them later…
Finally, there is nothing wrong with talking through CF stuff with
people involved with you personally (such as close friends or family),
but be aware of the trap of always dwelling on CF.
Tools for the job
“…a
necessary evil to survive.” |
I’ll bet you really hate the drug routine at times. I do. What
happens if you stop taking them? You get ill and die. Simple choice
really isn’t it? What about other things such as gastrostomy feeding
and portacaths? Again not a lot of fun but in some cases a necessary
evil in order to survive. That is the key to how I have dealt with all
the pills, my gastrostomy (which I had for 3 ½ years) and my
IV port.
Each year in the UK over half a million electric drills are sold. Do
all these people want a drill? No. They want a hole in something. The
drill is just the tool. The drugs and treatments are my tools helping
me build my life the way I want it.
Surrounded by Aliens
“Being
around negative people is like banging your head against a brick
wall. It hurts your head and it’s a relief when it’s
over.” |
The hardest time to keep your own attitude positive is when exposed
to negative people. Let’s be honest, there are some people in
this world who if left in a dark room would develop. I am very wary
of such people who like nothing more than having a moan about everything
in life and blame everyone else for anything bad that happens. They
will latch on to your illness and try to beat you over the head with
it. They love Pity Parties.
Sometimes it may be hard but if they will not turn a bit positive the
best thing you can do is to drop them like a brick and move on. Hang
out with people who make you laugh, enjoy life and don’t bleat
on about your limitations.
Being around negative people is like banging your head against a brick
wall. It hurts your head and it’s a relief when it’s over.
Some people are intimidated by PWCF who achieve things. It makes them
realise their own inadequacies and leaves them feeling rather uncomfortable.
Your family might be a bit of a challenge here. I have seen many PWCF
wrapped in cotton wool by over-protective parents who are just waiting
for their child to die. What a terrible waste of life.
Rubbish In/Rubbish Out
Fill your head with junk and that’s what you will talk. You can’t
help yourself by listening to junk and watching soap operas every day.
Our very own soap opera ‘Eastenders’ is generally the epitome
of all that is miserable in life. So if all you do is take in such junk
how can you help your attitude? It takes effort to get into a routine
of reading for half an hour a day. Read something which will help you
go where you want to go in life. My favourite books are listed at the
end of the article. It works for me and thousands of other people.
I bet some of you are now wondering when to find time to read. I find
it helps pass the time when nebulising.
Dare to Dream
Now this is basic. If you have a dream you have a reason to live. If
you have a reason to live you do your treatments. Now I’m not
about to suggest that this will make you live to old age with your CF,
but you will at least spend your time living with a purpose, which is
a lot better than drifting along waiting for Mr Reaper to come knocking.
The problem with dreams is that people will put you down and try to
steal your dreams. They either won’t want you to get your hopes
up, or they are afraid you might just go out and have a great life.
The latter would leave them looking a bit like an underachiever.
My own dreams are attached to deadlines which turn them into goals.
Yes I have time limits. For example, I wanted to raise my weight from
50kg to 66kg in three years using the overnight feed. I did it. I’m
heavier now than I have ever been and in good shape thanks to joining
a gym.
I set goals for training, business and fun stuff too. At the beginning
of each year I draw up a list of things I want to do and then set about
making them happen. It’s called living and making the most of
the times when I can get out and do things.
When we were children we knew no bounds. We believed we could do anything.
What went wrong? People told us we couldn’t do this or that because
of CF. They crushed our dreams. It’s okay to dream.
Don’t Be Average
What is average? By its own definition it is the worst of the best or
the best of the worst. In other words the cream of the crap. I have
spent the last ten years hearing about the average age of death for
PWCF.
Some people won’t make the average age – through no fault
of their own. Many have a choice and could go sailing past if only they
worked on their attitude.
Be the best at being who you are. You only have one life and this is
it. Sitting around moaning will never change anything. Get off your
backside, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something. If you think
I’m being harsh think again.
On September 11th 2001 I had an attitude check. On a bit of a downer
having tested positive for MRSA and B.cepacia I sat and watched the
news as it unfolded on the TV. I was glad to be me. I’m still
glad to be me. I bet there are a few thousand people who would have
swapped places with me that day.
I don’t think I’ve been too blunt here. In fact this has
turned out a lot more polite than I thought it would.
“CF
is one challenge in life; it is not my entire life.” |
Do yourself a favour and invest a few pounds (or dollars, lira, pesetas,
etc) in your future. Each of them cost less than the equivalent of £10.
The books will explain far more than I can in one article. They are
out there to help you, but they only work if you read them. None of
them are about CF. They are about life, and here is my final kick: I
don’t have a positive attitude to CF. I have a positive attitude
to life and all of its challenges. CF is one challenge in life; it is
not my entire life. Maybe that is the difference. I don’t let
it steal my dreams. Sometimes that’s difficult, but I always have
a book close by.
Now here is the list of books I mentioned earlier:
This Is Your Life Not A Dress Rehearsal by Jim Donovan
ISBN 0-9650534-2-3
The title says it all. We get one chance to get it right and make the
most of it.
A very simple read with some great ideas.
Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller ISBN 1-891279-01-7
Everyone should have this, healthy or not. – give it to your family
when you’ve read it so they can work with you. It’s an easy
read.
Attitudes Are Contagious by Dennis Mannering ISBN 0-945890-00-1
As above, buy this one after the first one. It’s more varied and
encompasses general life motivation. Another easy read.
Who Moved My Cheese? By Spencer Johnson, M.D. (ISBN unknown)
A great book about coping with change. Not rocket science but should
get you thinking about adapting to what life throws at you.
Winning Without Intimidation by Bob Burg, available at Amazon.co.uk
This is what I used to win at a tribunal, to get a lot of business,
to dispel arguments to avoid confrontation and improve my people skills.
It has paid for itself thousands of times over. It’s not motivation
but life skills, and let’s face it, if CF is wearing you out you
could probably do with something to help ease you along with less hassle.
A Closing Thought
At a business seminar a very successful man came out with these gems
of motivational observation. Read them and have a think:
“Man standing on mountain top with mouth wide
open
wait long time for roast duck to fly in.”
“Success will not attack you.”
“You are not what you think you are, but what
you think, you are…”
Pete Hatch
United Kingdom
pete @ peterhatch.co.uk
